What a difference a year makes.....

This is Elisha and Mama on Gotcha day- 3/14/08

This is Elisha this week.... one year later....


I can't believe how much he's grown!! It makes me realize just how big his clothes were on him when we brought him home!! He's been wearing this hat around the house for the last few days. It is pitifully small on him, but looks soooo cute!! Oh, the memories....

Beauty in the eye

Last year, just after we arrived home from Russia with Elisha, my father-in-law, Gene, had several huge logs (trunks of oak trees he'd cut down on his property) cut into boards. I'll probably have that grammar changed soon- into the technical terms, but that's what it is in my lay man's terms....

Anywho, fast forward to the present. Those huge trunks were sawed into a large stack of lumber. My amazing father-in-law has been planing these boards down, cutting, gluing and staining and making them into new cabinets for my mother-in-law's kitchen- including a pantry area. I am sooooo impressed at what he is making- It looks like something you'd buy in Amish country.

(note: in layman's terms- planing is the process of sliding the boards through a planer- which has very sharp blades that cut off a very thin layer of wood, allowing imperfections and impurities to be cut off and the board to become more uniform, allowing it to be used. It is a messy process, creating a lot of saw dust, but when it comes out the other side- it is amazingly different. The grain seems to come out, the patina shines through and you can really begin to see what the finished product is going to look like. Of course the stain brings out the beauty even more, but the first step- and most "painful" is probably the planing.)

Elisha and I went over to Mamaw and Papaw's the other day, getting our mail and stopping by to say, "Hi!!" to Mamaw, Papaw and Aunt Paula, and we stopped by the barn to see how the cabinets were coming along. It was my first time seeing them with Papaw. A very slight occurrence happened on the way out- and that is really the subject for my thoughts today.

Just inside the door in the wood shop, there were several long very rough looking boards laying across three saw horses. I remember thinking they were really pretty rough looking and wondered where Papaw got them. As we walked out, after looking at all the cabinets, Papaw gazed lovingly at the boards and wondered out loud if I thought they were beautiful, too. I didn't know what to think at first, since my first thought had been leaning the opposite direction.

It was then that it hit me. My serendipitous moment. My little epiphany.

"Are these some of the boards you had made from the trees you cut down in your woods last year?" I queried of him about the wood in question. Even though I put that he was making the cabinets out of this wood earlier in the post, I had not, until this moment in time realized that he was making the cabinets from that lumber.

"Yes," he replied, as he reached out and patted the board.

My, oh my, but my mind wheels started turning. I realized then that the cabinets all around me, looking like an Amish work shop, with their beautiful colors and textures, were one and the same as the wood I had dismissed when I came in.

I said to my father-in-law, I guess we are like that, too, aren't we? We are pretty rough looking, gladly giving splinters to any who pass by, until the master gets hold of us. When he puts us through the planer, it may be very painful, but look at the beauty he is able to bring out of that splintery mess.

As I was thinking and pondering more on this later I had some new life comparisons. I realized that God gives us all the ability to see beauty in many things. Where others would see just the external, God allows some to see beyond that.

My father-in-law can look at a pile of lumber and see the beauty that is there waiting to be brought out- whether in a new kitchen set and cabinets, or a grandfather clock, or dressers or something else he has in mind. I have seen the beauty he has been able to bring out.

Another example I immediately thought of was how my Mom and my mother-in-law (and so many other talented sewers I know) can look at a pile of scraps, and instead of seeing refuse, they see the beauty they can create from that seeming mess into amazing quilts, full of color and life.

I talked to a close friend the other day who is a professional photographer. I asked her what she liked the best about photography- the taking of pics- developing, editing, etc. Her answer is still something I think of. She likes showing the finished product to the people she's taken pictures of. Why? Because she prays she can capture the beauty in the moment, and show them some beauty from the inside, possibly changing perceptions and giving hope and a deeper appreciation for the beauty God's given them. (I'm totally paraphrasing this- but I think that's what she meant.) She sees the beauty in the quiet moments, the hope shining through eyes sharing their joy. She tries to capture that life and love shining through so the person radiating can catch a glimpse of themselves as others see them.

Thank you God for giving us the ability to see in others what you see in them. Allow us the privilege of seeing the beauty you have for them and can make of them in your time. Thank you for taking the time to find the beauty in our raggedness and refine us to be shining examples of you!!!

Prayers

We walked over to get our mail Friday night and stopped by Mamaw's to say, "Hi!"

Later that evening, as we were snuggled in the rocker, talking to Papa on the phone to say our prayers together, something wonderful happened. For the last year, Eli's prayers have been, "Nigh nigh, Jela. I lulu Jela." (for the longest time it was Jeje- now it is Jela) And then Papa and I add a little bit- like, "Thank you for the beautiful day we had today. Thank you for this or that, etc."

So, Friday night, Eli added his own thank you for the first time. Soooo, it went something like this..... "Nigh, Nigh Jeje, I lulul Jeje. Tank you for seen' Naynan, Mamaw an Papaw. " and then in a very quiet voice, he said, "An for Wedwey."

Translation- thank you for goin to see Cheyenne, Mamaw and Papaw. Thank you for Wesley"

Wesley wasn't there when we went over to see Mamaw and Papaw- but Cheyenne was. How awesome that he seems to be getting it.

He is now sitting on my lap, naming the letters on the keyboard, wanting to push them all. So, another post comes to an end. How I am growing to love you more and more everyday, my little guy!!! Hard to believe a year ago we were still being 2 hour a day parents, longing to take you home when we left the baby home for the day!!

The Amazing Race

My friend Penny posted this on her site- I couldn't say it any better:

Amazing Race

Even if you're not a fan of the show, please watch this Sunday night as the contestants go to Siberia. They will be in Kras and hopefully we'll all get a glimpse of the city. It'll be extra cool for all of us that have actually been there!

posted by Chris Goeppner @ 11:23 AM

So exciting to watch a show filmed at a place you hold close to your heart. We'll be watching to see if we can figure out where they are as they film- even though we were there for almost 3 weeks, we didn't see a lot of the city- just what we could by foot.

Dental Addendum

The long awaited dentist's pictures.......

He did so well, I had a very loose grip on his hands- Here they are working on his tooth that hadn't formed properly. The enamel didn't cover the entire tooth- so they were able to take care of it, remove the blackened portion and give him his first filling.

He didn't mind the suction or water one bit.... in fact, he seemed to like it, knowing to press his lips around the suction and let it drain the water right out. His grin was huge when he realized he could control the on/ off switch, too :0)

After he was all done, they gave us "pillows" for Eli to use- the small rolled cotton. This was for him to put between his teeth so he wouldn't clamp down and damage his cheek, or suck too much on his lip. You can still see he is a little sleepy from the sedative they had us give him before the procedure.

Anyone around here that needs a good dentist? His is great!! It was a good experience all around!!

To view the post these pics go with click here

"Da" day

Any of you who know me know that a rather witty (some would call corny :0)) sense of humor has been passed down for many generations. So, it is with great joy that I can tell you that one year ago, the judge said "Da," or yes in Russian.

So, one year ago, on "Da" day, Tim became a Daddy- it is definitely da day!!!

We had such a peace- overlaying our overwrought nerves- as we sat in the hall way waiting for our turn for court. We had our paperwork organized, main points memorized, wondering what was going on on the other side of the wall where the Dini's (the family we traveled with) were sitting in court.

I can still almost feel that "presence" around us. I know there were many praying for us that day. Our court experience was very far from the horror stories I've heard some have had. I remember Tim's advice to me- only answer what they ask.... Wise advice. I have a tendency to ramble and tell lots of stuff when I get nervous.

But we asked God for grace and wisdom, and He granted it to us in full measure. When we stepped out for a few minutes for the judge to decide, Galina expressed that she was very impressed with us and would be very glad to see us again to adopt more precious little children. I think my only regret from our time in Russia was that we were unable to say goodbye to her. I misunderstood when she would be there, and we missed her the evening we went to pick Eli up. I would love to have a pic of all us together- the one who had been responsible for him from his first few months of life passing on the torch to the family she had also been waiting for. Her care of the children is evident. There are people the world around that just shine. Keep shining, Galina- starting all these little ones off on the right foot.

So, today, we celebrate passing inspection, having our adoption petition granted- beginning the 10 day wait until our adoption was finalized.

I had a conversation with some moms a few months ago, and we got to talking about semantics. Today brings to my mind one of the favorites I deal with. It is so hard to not want to share the joy and the miracle our son's entry into our lives was with everyone we meet. But, he is not introduced to strangers as "our adopted son." He was adopted, and now he IS our son. Period. I wouldn't expect anyone who had carried and delivered their biological child to introduce them when they were 2 or 3, or any age for that matter, and say, "This is my borned son," or "This is my son. I gave birth to him." Even a child born severely prematurely stops being introduced as a preemie once they catch up in size to the other children around them.

Today, one year ago, our request for adoption to the Russian court for Elisha was granted. That act was finalized once our 10 day wait was over. Now and forever, he IS our son.

Thank you, God, for this amazing way to make families, for calling us from the ends of the Earth and bringing us together as only You could. Thank you for the favor you gave us on the other side of the world, as we petitioned to become the family You called us to be.

Memories....

I had a problem focusing totally on the present today. My heart, emotions and mind were drawn back to a year ago. It was the break in our fast- our fast from the presence of this great love that God has brought into our lives- our son whom we hadn't seen for so long.

One year ago today, we excitedly walked out of the hotel in downtown Krasnoyarsk, jumped into the nice blue van with Serge, Yelena and Marina, and the Dini's, and traveled over the vast melting tundra, in and out of sleepy villages, flying by cars in our lane, narrowly missing on coming vehicles, until we arrived back in the town of Sosnovoborsk. City surrounded by Pines. Driving around the corner, through the gate and up to the Navy ship gray colored building that holds such anticipatory feelings, we all seemed to hold our breath. I was afraid I'd start crying my eyes out if I thought about the fact that I was only a few feet from our son now, instead of 12 time zones. Just beyond that wall... as my eyes took in the building in front of us.

We piled out of the van, and with our hearts racing with anticipation, adrenalin overriding any jet lag we were still feeling, we walked through the doors of baby home #5. It was our first time back through these familiar doors since the end of October, the previous year- and what a feast for our eyes it was!! It was all I could do to hold back and not rush down the hall, up the steps and down the next hall to the music room. That silly commercial for baby back ribs- you know the one with the deep timbered voice saying, "I want my baby back, baby back, baby back." was almost a mantra for me. It was almost funny how that silly saying would echo through my mind.

Today, I just wanted to play with Elisha, basking in the love we now share with each other as a family, remembering when he first entered into the room a year ago.

I got to practice my limited Russian. I remember practicing so much, and finally being able to say, in a very informal way as he entered the room, looking a bit frightened and out of his element- "Hi, Sergey! It's OK. I'm your Mama. This is your Papa." and feel his little arms around me as I held him.

What an amazing feeling to sit there so completely head over heels in love with this child and having to hold back so much of what you are feeling so they can warm up to you. We did bubbles, some crackers, looked for the toys we remembered being his favorites from several months earlier, all the while wanting to just crush him in our embrace and never let him go again.

What a dichotomy my day today has been- almost seeing double vision- as God brought into focus the way our hearts have melded together to become a family over the past year. Now he doesn't want me to leave him- wants to cuddle and read a book, or rock, or play games, or color, or play trucks, or his new favorite- BIG WAVE- where he runs across the room and knocks me down like the wave did when we were in St Croix.

I look over the pictures we have of him now- I look at the referral pictures, and I can almost tell by his expression what was going on with him at the time, since we've spent so much time together. I see the ones of us, hope plastered all over our faces, shining love so radiant for our son, looking so earnestly at his every expression to be sure we are giving him what he can handle and not too much too fast.

For any that live close and/or would like to come, we have planned to have Elisha dedicated in church on Sunday, March 15- at the 11 service. I'm keeping this pretty low key- but what better way to celebrate our first "Gotcha Day" than to give the glory back to the One who made it possible. I remember that 2 week period between seeing him again for the first time in soooo very long, and actually getting to leave with him seeming interminable at the time. I don't think the passing of time will be so any more. There are new discoveries and joys every day, and blessings are amazing, and the time just seems to fly.

Now, before any would think I am whitewashing this experience and keeping my rose colored glasses super glued on- Eli IS almost 3 years old. He is struggling to assert his independence in ways that drive his Mama and Papa crazy every day. But then come the easy times, as my friend Micki would say. The times when he runs up, throws his arms around me, hugs, kisses and says, "I lulu, Mama," that make my heart melt just a bit more and forget the frustration of the spoon he "accidentally" flipped sending food all over the place, or the full day of whining we had a week earlier. Or totally resting into my arms as we read a book together, or learn a new game or try a puzzle, or he helps me cook. These times are so amazing, they make all the struggles pale and sink to the bottom of the "love tank" we have been developing.

We walked over to get the mail today, and after chatting for a little bit with Aunt Paula and Mamaw and Papaw, were so pleasantly surprised to be invited for dinner. I was asked in passing conversation what I had done today. I was quite chagrined to say that I really hadn't done much of anything. My car apparently (hopefully not!!) blew up on Sat, so we are somewhat home bound now, and, other than bathing the dog, fixing meals and then cleaning up I really didn't do much. I was really feeling guilty about this, thinking there are so many other things I should be doing...

But as I sit here typing, I realize how much my mind has been busy doing. My split screen viewing is pretty exhausting, as I feel I am recalling and reliving many of those emotions from a year ago. I guess I did a lot today. I spent some amazing time with my sweet little boy!! So, my sweet baby boy, if Mama seems to have hugged you tighter, kissed you more or seemed a bit more teary eyed today- it's only because of this great love that God our Father has given to me for you. I am remembering the times I wondered if I would ever be able to express to you how much we love you- and how much God loves you- when I wondered if we would ever get a court date, ever be able to bring you home.

I sit with tears silently coursing down my face as I type now, thinking about your singing Jesus love me with me tonight as we cuddled and rocked before putting you down for bed. I almost couldn't finish singing, I got so choked up as I realized you are learning what love is.

Thank you, Jesus, for showing your love for us in so many amazing ways. The struggles and the wait we endured to bring this sweet blessing home seemed so arduous and never ending at the time, but now are hard to remember clearly. Thank you for placing me in a family growing up that gave me such a firm foundation in my love for you, and the examples my parents always were on how to live a Godly life. I'm learning to love You more each day as You show me what true love looks like- that of an adoptive parent for his child. I don't have the words to say thank you for adopting me into your family, claiming me as your own. All I can say is thank you, and try to live my life in a way that will make my Father proud.