Ramblings of a recovering mom

We left last Sunday to go to PA to pick Eli up from my Mom and Dad's house. Tim's family had a gathering for Lunch, so we got away and arrived just in time to eat a late dinner and put Eli to bed.

He wouldn't eat until we got there. Said he wanted to wait for his Mommy and Daddy to get there before he ate. We arrived, and as I ran through the house searching for him, I heard him crying upstairs. Seems he wanted to push the garage door button and be the first to see us as we came in, but he also wanted to play for a little bit longer in the bathtub and missed his opportunity.

Oh, how wonderful to gather his sweet little body close to my heart!! I felt like crying. I was still feeling way below par, so wasn't too upset when Eli wanted Tim to rock him and tuck him in. I think we both really indulged him. I believe Tim read 5 books to him, and then I heard Eli singing to Tim as I stood downstairs listening.

We stayed an extra day with Mom and Dad. Eli had a couple of "bad dreams" and wanted to cuddle and be held, and sleep in the big bed with Daddy. He wasn't able to tell us exactly what happened, just that it was bad.

It was nice to have the extra time with Mom and Dad- especially since I was just regaining my ability to eat- Mom made several soups. It is amazing how little one wants to cook when one is not feeling well, and how little appetite one has when one does have to cook. Thanks for the savory meals, Mom!! They were great!

We got back home Tues evening, after a shopping spree at Cabelas, and about 5 or 5:30pm Tim headed straight back to work- he only had the first 12 hours off. He called me that evening, just after he left, as he was driving, to tell me there had been an earthquake in Haiti. It was the beginning of a long, emotionally draining week, for us, as well as nations around the world as we watch and listen for any details about friends and loved ones in the nation of Haiti.

The next day was my 2 week check up for my throat. Dr said everything looked pretty good, my tonsils were much larger than he thought, even wrapping around my trachea. Even so, followups will be closer to home at my family Dr if I have any more issues. Thank you, God, that I am finally healing!!

On the way home, we got a text from our prayer chain at church. One of my best friends had just found out that her brother, a police officer in PA, had just been fatally shot in the line of duty. Oh how my heart grieves for her and her family.

It has been difficult to not have CNN on all the time. I have a desperate need to know what is going on in Haiti. ( It feels almost like after the towers collapsed on 9/11.) Tim and I have been there several times on short term mission trips and have many friendships with people there. Facebook has been a lifeline- literally. Our friends down there had facebook availability before they had phone service, and were able to communicate with each other, make sure everyone was OK and coordinate efforts. And it is such a wonderful way to keep everyone informed of what is going on.

The hard part now is to turn the TV off. I know it is not good for Eli to see that. I so totally DO NOT want the pictures he sees on TV now to be what he has in his mind when we tell him Tim, or both of us are going to Haiti.

He is asking questions- and I encourage it- I want him to talk about it.

He wants to know why the houses fell down? Where are the people going to live? What will they eat and drink? Why did it happen?

He has overheard us talking about some of the stuff going on there, and I know he is too young to understand and process it.

So, it comes out in other ways.

I'm not sure if the destruction we see in Haiti, Mommy and Daddy tearful at times, or just the separation he experienced while gone for 10 days is to account for it. He seems to have forgotten his "self soothing" mechanisms. If he wakes in the night, he cries or comes and gets us and wants to cuddle or rock with us until he falls back asleep. And, always, wants us to "sleep in the big bed" in his room.

I am praying that begins to subside. Selfishly, it is very draining to not get much sleep at night. Seems when I do sleep, I'm listening to make sure he is ok, and then when I fall asleep, he wakes up. And yet, tonight, now that he is asleep, I sit here and type my thoughts when I, too, should be going to bed. I guess I can't lay the tired blame solely on his feet. As I feel better each day, I think I should be able to just jump back into the swing of things after having done nothing for the last 2 weeks after my surgery. I do hope he sleeps all night tonight, though.

We are so thankful for the safety of the people we know in Haiti. So grieved over the loss of so many in a country that is already so impoverished. Tim and a team from our church had been scheduled to leave for Haiti last Sat. Due to the airport situation, and lack of civilian flights, as well as no where to stay once we arrive, and not wanting to use up the limited supplies the people there have now, the trip was canceled. They hope to go down as soon as possible, to help in anyway possible.

WE went to church on Sunday. It has been a while since I've been able to make it to church! Eli and I were standing in line to sign in for KidsPraise. There was an older lady, maybe mid to late 70's- hard to say.... she was in line behind me. Eli didn't want to go to class- he wanted to stay with us in big church. The lady behind me and I struck up a bit of a conversation.

After a few minutes of talking back and forth, she looked at me and, while pointing to Eli, said, "So, is this your grandson?"

GULP!!!

"Ah, no. He is my son," I replied, reeling with a bit of shock at her words.

I'm usually told I look like a teenager and not old enough to have a child. This is definitely a first for me to have someone ask me if I am a grandparent to my child. OUCH!! I jokingly put on facebook that I never knew that a tonsillectomy could add a whole generation to your age....

Eli didn't make it in KidsPraise. His number appeared on the screen in the front of "Big church" before we'd finished singing the first song. So, Eli came to big church with us. He was so very good. He used his whisper voice (amazing how much volume a child can put into a whisper voice, isn't it?) and was very still while he was drinking the drink I picked up for him in the nursery and the goldfish snack.

Seeing our friends that have Haiti as strongly on their hearts as we do, talking about my friend, Melissa's brother that was killed, my own recovery, and just being back in a place of worship where I felt I belonged just about did me in. I was close to tears, or tear streaked on the face until well after we left the building.

Thank you, God, for the people you put in our lives that we can "do life" with. Where we feel accepted for who we are and loved, sometimes in spite of it :)

As I sit here and type about getting up in the middle of the night to tend to Eli, I can't help but be overwhelmed as I think about all the parents all over the world that tonight are sitting in their homes, arms and hearts aching, holding pictures of their children that are still in Haiti, waiting on the final stages of adoption, not knowing if their child is alive, or has any water, food, clothing or shelter, and no end in sight as to when they can go bring their children home. I do stop and remind myself to cherish every moment with our son who took so long to come home to us, and realize that it isn't so bad to have your child come and get you in the middle of the night because he wants to be close to you.

Praying for the people of Haiti and all that were affected by this tragedy- May God bring healing from the darkness and hope from the despair. May His love shine through the dust, rubble and smoke. May WE all be changed for the better as we participate in what ever way we can in helping this nation, roughly the same size as Maryland.


Good night all! I'm headed to bed :)