As Elisha and I were leaving our VBS cookout Fri evening, there were several of the older girls standing beside the pavilion as we walked past. The one yelled over, "Is that your son?" (This may seem weird- but I am playing a preteen on stage- so my hair is up in 2 ponytails on top of my head :0) and walking with my 2 year old across the parking lot..... in "costume") I nodded yes to her. She said I didn't look old enough to have a son- she thought I was still a teen ager, too. AAAHHHH, that was pretty nice to hear since I've been not a teenager far longer than I was a teenager. Look out 40!!
Great comment- came at a great time. Tim has had a crazy busy schedule so we haven't seen much of him lately and I'm afraid that though I don't want to miss a single second with Elisha and I love to be close to him that I have already lost a couple of engines and I'm hoping the wind under my wings hold up enough to keep me from crashing and burning.
It is amazing and something I wasn't quite prepared for. My sister-in-law mentioned this but it didn't sink in. Once you have a child, you are no longer the center of attention. I figured that- what I didn't think about was those times when you long to have those close to you just ask how you are doing (and want to take the time to hear your answer), or even just say hi!!. Amazingly, that happens very infrequently, if at all now. I love it for my son, that everyone comes running up to us, to greet him and hug him and give him 5 and kiss him, but in the absence of other adult conversation about adult topics, it is amazing how isolated and.... hmmmm.... almost lonely it makes you feel that everyone seems to have forgotten your name and that you are the shadow standing in your precious little one's presence.
I loved getting on the stage again. It was so much fun. It was, I think, the first time that I have had something fun to do and not had to worry about keeping an eye on Elisha since we left for Russia in Feb. I'm smiling now just thinking about how I loved my little part in our drama. Reconnecting with friends, enjoying the thrill of the show. All too soon it was over. I was sooo glad to go back and wrap my arms around my little guy- the break was amazing.
I even had a couple of girls come up the next night (when I felt rather old and plain again as I wasn't in "costume") and ask for my autograph. Amazing how just being noticed is so uplifting for the spirit in the shadows, isn't it?
Elisha has been showing "great" attachment since that acting episode. Now he begins screaming and crying as soon as I put down his stuff in the nursery, afraid I'm going to leave him. I know part of me is celebrating this- that he is showing he wants me. The other part kinda enjoyed being able to come and go in the nursery to make sure he was able to potty and check on him.
Today I was looking forward with GREAT anticipation sitting in the service and just being there. No special part to play, just me and God, sharing some time with each other and the other fellow believers there. Well......... As with most larger churches, there were a lot of children in the nursery. I think that's great- a lot of young parents that are able to come and really enjoy worship while their children are well cared for. But with only one lovely lady there, and my son now screaming his head off and tears slipping down his sweet little face, I stayed in the nursery and played with Elisha and the other children.
Advantages- I'm getting to know the other volunteers in the nursery so they aren't just some nameless person caring for my son- but someone I can begin to call my friend and know what their life story is so I can ask about them. It is amazing how connected one can feel with another mom as you watch all these amazing children playing, snacking and interacting with each other. God is present everywhere I am, and he can provide great encouragement through the loving words of new friends, too. I'm also getting to know the other children that are Elisha's age. I can only see benefits in our future by my getting to know the "future" youth group that he'll be participating in.
So, I'm only going to look at the advantages right now, and maybe take a nap. It all looks better after a few hours of sleep, doesn't it? I'm kinda in a dark place right now and would appreciate any and all prayers. Oh yeah, encouraging comments are a great boost, too. I love to get comments to know that there are others out there sharing in our journey, falling in love with our little guy with us and holding us up to our heavenly Father who knows every thought, every feeling, every hurt and joy. I know I can climb up into His arms, rest my weary head on His shoulders and cry my heart out as He patiently listens to not only the words I say, but the ones that I don't even know how to express.
Thank you, God, for family and friends. Help us learn how to better encourage each other and how to ease each other's burdens as we share our joys and happiness as well. Let us not get so busy doing good works that we don't have time to spend and just be with those we love. Thank you that we know, ultimately, You have it all under control.
2 comments:
darlin' you sound exhausted! Welcome to parenthood, the best hardest job on earth. Yes everything your feeling is normal. I've not read any of the material or research that was required and expected of you, but I can tell you this couples still need couple time. We forget this or put it on the back burner when we are new parents. I understand how important attachment is to you both, so wait a little longer if you want, but don't forget to give attention to each other. Couple time is a must, even if its just for a few hours at a time. Deb, honey quit worrying sooooo much. You are letting the Brickey in you (or maybe the Fox) overanalyze. It is all going to be fine, keep repeating that to yourself. its going to be fine. its going to be fine. its going to be fine. :)
I love working in the nursery for those same reasons...this is a new season in your life and it too shall pass, enjoy it while you're in it.
Post a Comment