Well, I thought we were at the top of the highest hill. Apparently, that first bit of downhill swoosh on our roller coaster ride ended up leading to an even bigger hill. What a ride this will be by the time we finish!
Found out tonight around 4:45 that our Kras paperwork needs duplicates of 2 more documents that are in our dossier- and up to date. The infamous home study agency license, which held us up in the referral process, too, as well as a copy of the Adoptive Parents Financial statement. They need a copy of the "original" license to show that our agency was licensed for the initial period of time. So, we scanned through our copies- hhhmmmm, wonder which of the 6 times we sent it we should make copies of? Lord help me here- keep the bitterness far away- I feel like I'm bathing in it right now!
I can't express to you my frustration. First of all, it wouldn't be polite, second of all I don't talk like that, Thirdly, I am struggling to place this back in God's hands and find His peace and Joy. As Tim is reminding me, and I said on Wed, this is in God's time and it's perfect. Suffice to say, I'll probably need some cucumber slices in the morning to get my eyes open.
I covet your prayers now, even more than ever before. I'm in a rough spot just this moment- there is definitely only one set of footprints in the sand right now. Thank you God for carrying me!
"You have turned on my light! The Lord my God has made my darkness turn to light. Now in your strength I can scale any wall, attack any troop (or document).
What a God he is! How perfect in every way! All his promises prove true. He is a shield for everyone who hides behind him. For who is God except our Lord? Who but he is as a rock?
He fills me with strength and protects me wherever I go. .. You have given me your salvation as my shield. Your right hand, O Lord, supports me; your gentleness has made me great. You have made wide steps beneath my feet so that I need never slip.."
Psalms 18:28-32,35-36 LB
OK, wow. So, I still covet your prayers that we get these documents in soon ( all govn't offices will be closed Mon due to the holiday- so the earliest we can start is Tues)- but wow. Word of God speak- thank you for calming my spirit, lifting my head and wiping away my tears. Hold our son close and send us back as soon as you can. I love you soo much and this love you are giving me for our son is just incredible.
Weeping may endure for a night- but JOY cometh in the morning. Thank you for your promises, your assurance and friends praying for us and lifting us up when we've stumbled and fallen so low.
Sooooo, I guess now I'm not so Bummed out in Ohio- I'm going to be excited- Tim just asked me to go out on a date- We'll savor our time together before becoming parents. God is so good!!
Update:
Just got back from a nice dinner with Tim. We went to the chinese buffet- it was very nice. The family next to us had a little boy just a few months older than our son- he walked just the same way as our son as he toddled out. Our fortune cookies were quite appropriate- Tim's said,"A huge fortune at home is not as good as money in use," and mine said,"There will be plenty of time to work hard; enjoy yourself!"
God does speak in mysterious ways, doesn't he?
Oh yah, I found my smile just before we left :0)
3 comments:
Debbie-
I am aching along with you...All I can say is I could not agree with you more- the love the Lord has given us for our sons IS incredible! It takes my breath away! What a blessing! It is ironic that that very love is what pushes us toward the finish line, yet at the same time, it is what makes this part of the process hurt so very deeply. I have never felt so incredibly sad, yet so full of hope and wonder at the same time! Did I mention feeling on the verge of a panic attack most of the time as well(LOL!)?
I am praying fervently for you guys and your precious little one...and I will pray without ceasing!
In Christ,
Lyn Franks
Mountain of God...You'll get there and I know you can see it. The song is so appropriate in the adoption world. I don't know how I would react if there weren't holes and steep hills in this journey. I do remind myself that this journey has made my walk with the Lord that much stronger and therefore, it's all worth it. Praying for you Debbie!
Carey West
Debbie - If there's one thing I've learned through our adoption, it's that God IS in control & God's timing IS perfect. Both seem so "cliche" when someone tells you while you're hurting, but I promise you that He is working overtime for you. There were times that I felt I had no more fight left in me, there were times where I was angry, and I'm ashamed to say that I was even hateful at times. Fortunately our God is a Loving God and His understanding is far beyond our wildest imagination. After meeting Dmitry 2 years 1 month ago, Zack carried him into our home late last night for the first time. It is incredible. The pains of the wait are not forgotten, but they are now understood. God will deliver you to His perfect place...... I am reading an AMAZING book about struggle and suffering, it's a short easy read, The Red Sea Rules...the cover says it all, "The same God who lead you in will also lead you out." God promises He will never forsake us. You are close to me in my prayers. I am waiting on pins and needles to watch God reveal His miracles in your life.
On my knees, Laura
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